I ran into a childhood friend tonight at an art crawl (very chance meeting given that we don’t even currently live in the same city!) and after some light-hearted catch-up, I ended up in a side conversation with his husband, Paul. What I love about Paul is that he’s not afraid to dive into the deep stuff. Neither am I. We both value authenticity and the deeper connection that comes from being fearlessly vulnerable, even a few minutes into a conversation.
After some talk about my work as an online health and fitness coach, we got into some discussion about psychology, self-love, motivation, and the necessity of loving process of getting to a goal, whether that be losing weight or climbing the corporate ladder. In my work as a coach, I am a very big believer in baby steps. I will always favor long-term, sustainable lifestyle changes over anything extreme, controlling, or pressured. I believe we have to love ourselves at all stages of the process in order to reach our goals (especially if we want to stay there and potentially go beyond it). I don’t believe we can ever self-hate our way to a goal and actually be happy at the destination.
My personal strategies for creating this in my own health journey have been an evolving practice of gratitude for my body. I remind myself regularly that my body is my biggest cheerleader. Despite how active or not active I choose to be or how healthy or not-so-healthy my food is, it keeps my heart beating, my eyes blinking, my nervous system firing, and my fingers moving as I type this. Reminding myself of what my body actually does for me on a physiological level makes me WANT to take care of it. Before exercising (or more specifically, when I’m trying to work up the motivation TO workout), I remind myself of the things my body can do that people who suffer from physical disabilities cannot. There are people who WISH they had the capability to lift their arm up when their brain says to do so. During exercise, I focus on appreciating the feel of my muscles lengthening, my lungs expanding, or the pounding of my heart in my chest after an intense cardio move. It can be euphoric to feel connected to my body in that way. When it comes to nutrition, rather than spending all my emotional energy on limiting myself, I try to focus on what I can do to increase my intake of nourishing, alive foods. The feelings of restriction and guilt are replaced by freedom and vitality when I focus on putting the right stuff in rather than keeping the wrong stuff out.
It has taken years, but these baby steps and perspective shifts have added up. I still get off track but I know I am capable of getting back on track. I focus on reducing the frequency and duration of the time off track rather than beating myself up for not being perfect all the time. I give myself permission to ease back on track. And I can truly say now that I love the process of taking care of my body. To me, taking care of myself also includes my emotions so it’s important to me to be gentle with myself in the process.
Interestingly enough, I was able to apply these concepts tonight, even with this very post. Towards the end of our conversation, the ever-supportive Paul suggested I apply for an op-ed in the Huffington Post. My heart soared with his vote of confidence and I trust and believe his opinion that, “this message needs to be heard.” Whether it’s me writing it or someone else, I absolutely agree. We need more people in the world giving us permission to take the baby steps we need to get to where we’re going. In a world where high stress is valued as some form of success validation, there are nowhere near enough reminders to slow down, love the journey, and love where you’re at right at this very moment.
When I got home tonight, I sat down to write. I succeeded at applying the first part of my philosophy; I allowed myself to just be where I was at. I didn’t sit down with the intention to write an op-ed application to the Huffington Post; I sat down to write a blog post to whoever might need to read this message about baby steps. I reminded myself that it didn’t need to be perfect, I just needed to start somewhere; there was no downside to just writing what was on my heart. The problem was, there was a part of me still putting pressure on this. How many times do we tell ourselves this is our one chance to “get it right”?? I was having trouble connecting to my creativity or what was even on my heart because I was getting too caught up in perfect wording. I was trying to be something I’m not. Fortunately, Paul’s reminder that this message needs to be heard really stuck with me. I reminded myself that it’s about the MESSAGE, not about the perfect wording. I reminded myself that part of what was on my heart that I needed to speak about WAS the pressure we regularly put on ourselves without even realizing what we’re doing. Baby steps are about releasing the pressure to be perfect. They are about giving ourselves permission to meet ourselves where we are and do what we can right here in the moment. Tonight, that was an unedited, unperfected blog post. Instead of worrying about a perfect format; a great flow; or a clearly defined opening, point, supporting points, and clever wrap-up, I just wrote. So this was my stream of consciousness tonight. Thank YOU for meeting me where I was at. And I hope someone somewhere was helped by this reminder that it is OK to do only what we feel ready for, to release the pressure and overwhelm, and connect to what’s true for ourselves.
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| Our epic run-in at the art crawl 🙂 |
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